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A Lenten Prayer by Henri Nouwen

How often have I lived through these weeks without paying much attention to penance, fasting, and prayer? How often have I missed the spiritual fruits of the season without even being aware of it? But how can I ever really celebrate Easter without observing Lent? How can I rejoice fully in your Resurrection when I have avoided participating in your death? Yes, Lord, I have to die—with you, through you, and in you—and thus become ready to recognize you when you appear to me in your Resurrection. There is so much in me that needs to die: false attachments, greed and anger, impatience and stinginess.... I see clearly now how little I have died with you, really gone your way and been faithful to it. O Lord, make this Lenten season different from the other ones. Let me find you again. Amen.

Hugging Is a Mindset

I like to think of our church as a place with angel hugs all around.  An angel is a divine messenger.  It seems to me, that we are divine messengers of God’s loving embrace all around the church.

• Many people throughout the community have felt the tender embrace of a Presbyterian Lay Pastor in a hospital room or at the bedside of a dying loved one. 
• Many have built warm friendships at our community meals; or have experienced supportive comfort, counsel, or material assistance from the deacons or church staff. 
• The Presbyterian Preschool, Music School, Sunday School, and youth groups are the source of many warm embraces of Christian love.
• Our adult ministry’s Christian Life Learning Center is providing great classes with more planned.
• Our services of worship, with all their inspirational qualities, offer help and hope for many.
• Our session has recently endorsed the founding of the Samaritan Center of the Jersey Shore which will offer hope, healing and health through services of counseling, consultation, and education with a deep sensitivity to the body, mind, spirit and community. 
• We are also getting very close to bringing on staff a new Director of Family Ministries.  
• And this is just a small taste of the many ways we are sharing angel hugs all around.

Let’s spend the year thinking of all sorts of new ways to hug.  I like to think of a hug as loving warmth that exceeds expectations.

Everyone in our church hugs differently, and that’s the way it should be.  Jack Mitchell says that “some people are comfortable giving a bear hug.  Others recoil at anything too physical.  That’s fine.  Those people like to shake hands, or give a high five, or look you in the eye, or send personal notes.  You adopt the hug that works for you.”

Once as an exercise, Mitchell sat down and drew up a list of different hugs he could offer at his clothing store.  He got to thirty-three before he started to get a cramp in my hand.  Some of the ones he wrote down were:  “Offer someone a beverage or snack, carry their bags to the car, send a birthday card, send an anniversary card, remember names, sew on a button, press pants, call when you say you will, send flowers on a holiday, send flowers after a big sale call and invite to lunch at the store, make reservations for someone at an exclusive restaurant, get tickets to a ball game or the theater, open the store after hours for private appointments, have a liberal return policy that allows you to give money back with a smile, call another store to get something you don’t have, show product knowledge, smile, resolve credit issues instantly, give a firm handshake, look a customer in the eyes as a friend who cares, exchange business cards, telephone someone who’s sick to show you care, send an email (especially to people who travel internationally), listen.”

What would a Hug list look like for our church?

Raising the Bar with Beagle Care

Jack Mitchell tells the story about friends with a beagle.

“They live in New York City and were going on vacation for a week and needed a kennel for their beagle:  Missy.  Someone recommended a place in New Jersey.  They called it up, and it was easily an hour’s drive from them, and they didn’t feel like making the trip.  The kennel said, “It’s not a problem, we’ll be happy to pick your dog up and deliver her when you get back.”

They did just that.  They picked Missy up and a week later returned her, freshly shampooed, exactly when they said they would.  A year later, my friends used the kennel again, and when they brought Missy back, the kennel gave my friends a handful of pictures of Missy playing with other dogs and there were captions identifying the playmates.  Here was Missy playing with Rocco.  Here was Missy playing with Clarence.  It was a nice touch.  Later, they followed that up with cards. Supposedly from those playmates inquiring as to how Missy was doing.

You would have thought the kennel had done more than enough to keep my friends as loyal customers but they didn’t quit.    When my friends used them a third time, they picked up and delivered Missy, furnished photos of Missy cavorting with her playmates and when Missy arrived home she had on a nice sweater that the kennel had put on her as a present.  I can’t imagine what they will do next, but it’s bound to be something unexpected.  Year after year, they keep raising the bar.

How do we raise the bar in our ministries?

Mixing it Up

Remember when Bill Parcells, coach of the New York Giants football team always had a new trick play or two designed to score.  His players and his fans learned to accept the surprise, the unexpected, which helped create energy and enthusiasm, and when the team executed the play perfectly, it was a super wow.

One way to keep things exciting in the church is to mix things up from time to time.  Saying the Nicene Creed, instead of the Apostles Creed.  Singing some new songs.  Stepping out of the box and starting some new ministries.  How could God be calling you to mix it up a bit?

The Trustees

Recently an elder of the church in a session meeting asked, “Who are the trustees of the church?” 

“We are,” I responded.  Although I try to make this point clear in our session orientation meetings each year, some elders remember the old days when we had separate trustees who handled the finances independent of the church programs.  Now programs and operations both come under the same direction.  I think this is a good thing.  I think we’ve done things this way across the board in the Presbyterian Church since reunion in the 80’s.

So often there can be a huge disconnect between the program people in the church, and the finance people.  When both components of the organization are integrally involved in programs and support, it helps the ministry’s mission to be front and center with all decisions.

The Emperor at Church

Jack Mitchell says that businesses need to be warm and engaging toward their customers. “Visualize them as a empress or an emperor,” he says.  It seems to me that pastors and elders of churches need to see our members and visitors on Sunday mornings with the same eyes.  We should also treat our venders who supply resources and services to the church in a similar way.  In all we do we are witnesses for Christ.

The Fit

In Hug Your Customers, Jack Mitchell suggest that you think of the customer first and know everything about them.  He says, “We profile, profile, profile – We want to know their convictions, their proudest moments, their values, whether they collect dog license tags or toothpick holders, whatever allows us to really understand them.”

If a good business, knows its customers, a good church must know their members even more.  We are the family of God.

Training is for Dogs, Education is for People

Here’s an idea suggested by Jack Mitchell, a store owner who has teamed up with a look of sales associates to build a quality clothing store.  He says, “training is for dogs, education is for people.”  I think the point that he makes for educating his associates in business, applies to the public sector and churches as well.  People who work and volunteer in church are vital assets who have a lot to offer the Body of Christ.  All deserve respectful education and should be offered helpful knowledge to be able to serve more effective.  A deep admiration for the skills, opinions and unique gifts of all servants working on our various boards and committee is fundamental to our calling.

Constantly Freshen Your Hugging Culture

You always need something new – core services aren’t enough, people want that buzz of the new.  Hugs can get stale if they’re always the same.

Don’t be handicapped by experience - don’t be afraid to try something new just because you’ve been doing something one way forever.  Learn to think outside the box while working in the box.

Share your best ideas - form a group with other organizations and swap new ideas with them; everyone wins.

Raise the bar - either you raise your goals every year or you’ll slip (a 10 today is an 8 next year); raising the bar must be organization wide, and people must do it at their own pace.

(These concepts are adopted from business marketing ideas in a book by Jack Mitchell called “Hug Your Customers.”  Jack teaches the importance of embracing customers in meaningful ways in order to earn their business.  How much more important it is for us to have an embracing culture in the church where people need to be shown the love of God.)

What to Do When You Mess UP

Mistakes are challenges and opportunities, not problems – out of mistakes, heroics can occur.  People always remember when you foul up, but what they remember best of all is what you did to fix or correct it.

Follow the five-step mistake solver - recognize it, admit it, own it, apologize, fix it.  That’s the way you  give a hug.

No one is to blame - don’t punish someone for making a mistake, but work out a way for it not to happen again so that everyone feels good.

Don’t commit the same mistake twice – enough is enough. Track mistakes so people don’t suffer the same indignity more than once.

If something doesn’t work, end it - sometimes the best way to deal with a organizational mistake is to abandon the practice altogether.

Ask members how you’re doing - the only way to find out how our programs are working is to ask, so listen and learn.

(These concepts are adopted from business marketing ideas in a book by Jack Mitchell called “Hug Your Customers.”  Jack teaches the importance of embracing customers in meaningful ways in order to earn their business.  How much more important it is for us to have an embracing culture in the church where people need to be shown the love of God.)